It was his result day. He was failed in mathematics. His father’s face was red with anger. His body was shaking as to he had no reason to justify his failure. The father could not control his anger and screamed at him, “you can not do anything in your life. I am ashamed of you.”
This sentence hurt him so much that he lost his interest in the study and could not do well in his school and college. This resulted in disqualification in campus recruitment.
Anger is very poisonous. It can cost happiness, good career and some time life too. That is why Islam suggested us to keep a distance from anger.
A man said to the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), “Advise me.” He replied, “Do not become angry”. The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) told him, “Do not become angry.” [Bukhari]
However, despite its disastrous consequences it is tough to control anger when it dominates you and situation. Since its consequences are unbearable we need to know the techniques that can help us to overcome anger. Fortunately, there are many proven techniques. Some of them are illustrated below.
Drink cold water
As we all know that fire does not douse the fire. Similar, anger does not douse the anger. It needs cold water. Whenever you feel like you are angry move from your current place reach to your refrigerator. Pour some cold water into a glass and drink it slowly. Drink as much water as you can. You will suddenly feel that you are out of anger. Cold water helps us to calm down.
Change your position
You are standing while seeing the mark sheet of your son that reads “Failed’. You are angry. You want to scream as hard as you can at your son. Your face has turned into red.
Stop before you react to your anger. Sit down on chair or couch. If it does not calm you down lay on bed or floor for some time. It will surely calm you down.
Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) said in a Hadith narrated by Ahmad and Abo Dawood (deemed authentic): “If one of you got angry while standing then sit down, or if sitting down then lay down. If anger does not go away then do Wudu”.
Do not react to your anger instantly
Get your anger rest. Do not react to your anger instantly. For instance, if you are angry. Do not say anything and do not use your body to react to it. Instead, Take some time. Analyse your anger whether reacting to your anger will help you or not. Once you give it rest the intensity of anger will go down and your reaction will not be mixed with evil.
I do it more often. I do not react to my anger. I just make myself busy with something for some time. Afterwards, I think about whether my anger was worth it or not. Why I think of its worthiness because sometimes you have to react to your anger logically to solve some problems. However, while using anger for better do not let it cause any danger. So use your anger smartly or else overcome it.
Challenge your anger
We like challenges. The saying goes as such “A life without challenge is not only a life not worth living but also a life devoid of meaning.” So why can’t we challenge anger to overcome it?
Challenge yourself that you will not get angry for one week. When you win. Extend it for two weeks. Initially, you will think that it is not working. It will not help you out. However, you will thank yourself once you win the challenge for 30 days.
You will realise that it has become easy for you to control anger. You will stop getting angry at small things such as breakfast is not ready on time, food is not as tasty as you want and so on.
Reacting to anger is not the solution
You have to convince yourself that reacting to anger is not the solution to any problem or mistake. On the contrary, it creates more problems and makes the situation worse.
Whenever you get angry remind yourself the consequences of anger you faced previously. This will make you understand that anger is not the solution to any problem.
According to some studies doing nothing is more effective in helping anger dissipate than venting those frustrations. While venting may feel good, it intensifies the anger and worsens the situation.
Anger is the sign of weakness
If you think that those who get angry more often are strong then you are wrong. Anger is the sign of weakness.
“The strong is not the one who overcomes people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself when in anger.” [Al-Bukhari]
Now it is up to you either you control your anger and be a strong person or react to it and be a weak person.
Remember, you do not have any control over others anger or reaction to it. However, you always have a choice either intensify the fire through anger in response or make the situation better through your skills and techniques to control anger that were explained above.