We all have few people in life who have hurt us in some ways. Many of us find it hard to forgive them. This unforgiving attitude gives us nothing but an unpeaceful mind.
According to one of the reports by Huffington Post, not forgiving attitude arises when we remind the hurtful anecdotes and those who have done wrong with us again and again.
Whenever we remind or think about the person who has hurt us we think how we wished they hadn’t done that, how bad they are for having done that to us and so on.
We do not realize that we actually re-live the pain of the past incidents while thinking about such incidents and people. Because such hurtful thinking affects a part of the brain that controls emotions. The part gets reactivated and we feel the hurt all over again.
It revitalizing the pain, and we get afflicted with anxiety, irritability, anger, depression, weight gain or loss, lack of trust in ourselves and others, insomnia, and addictions.
Will you still not forgive others knowing all the detrimental effects because of unforgiving attitude?
Here are some tips that can help you to forgive others.
Analyse the hurtful incidents
Instead of cursing others for what they have done with you, you should analyse the incident to know what was the reason that erupted the incident.
If it is because of you then forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness. If it is the other person then it might be because of his or her bad day in the office or at home. Make sure you let it go. Again, if you think ‘sorry’ can make the situation better then do not think twice before acting on it.
Asking for forgiveness does not mean that you are wrong. It does not make you inferior too.
Find out some gifts
While analysing the painful incident find out gifts you received by the incident. As every criticism has some advice, the hurtful incidents also have some gifts for you. You experience life.
The hurtful incident makes people strong and resilient to live a better life. Oprah Winfrey once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience.”
Learn to be like water
Be like water. Bruce Lee, American-born martial artist, philosopher, instructor, martial arts actor and the founder of the Jeet Kune Do martial arts system explained it very well. He said, “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it.”
In this way, you react as if you have forgiven those who have hurt you. Which makes the situation better and it gives you a peaceful mind.
Consider life as a constant test
Do not get trapped in pain so much that you fail to see the bigger picture. This life is a test. Allah tests us directly and indirectly (i.e through people).
“…And We have made some of you as a trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord, Seeing.” [Quran, 25:20]
If you do not want to face failure in the test that is constant then forgive others thinking it may be from Allah.
Remind yourself of the reward
Yes, there is a reward for you to just forget and forgive others. How exciting it is, isn’t it? you do not do anything other than forgiving others and you are rewarded.
Once the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) was sitting with some of his Companions when he said as was revealed to him:
“A man from Paradise will show up now.”
Soon a man from Ansaar showed up. The next day it happened again. Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) said:
“A man from Jannah will show up now.” And the same person showed up. On the third day, it happened again and the same Ansaar showed up when the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) had predicted that a man from Jannah will show up.
Abdullah bin Amr-ul- Aas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) had been among the companion all three days. Curiosity got hold of him and he went up to the man and said,
“I have had a dispute with my father and have promised that I will not go back home for three days. Would you let me stay with you for three days?”
To cut the hadith (teachings of Islam) short, Abdullah bin Amr-ul- Aas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) stayed at the Ansaar house just to know why Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) called him ‘A man of paradise’.
Abdullah bin Amr-ul- Aas (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) found that there was nothing unique about him except that when he went to bed each day, he made sure there was no feeling of hatred or jealousy in his heart for any Muslim.
Be like water. Succeed in life tests. Forgive everyone and get the reward. This will give you a peaceful life.