Vikas was emotionally very attached to his partner. They were living together for five months. He was quite satisfied with his life as he was having a decent job as well as the love that he has been searching for more than one year. Little did he know that he was being cheated by his partner.
Vikas now 31-year-old, found his love at the age of 27 in his office while he was working in Human Resources (HR) department. They found each other emotionally and physically attached. For three months they were meeting and having a great time. They were doing it secretly to avoid any trouble from society and their families. They finally ended up living together. They had to move to Delhi from Lucknow because it was difficult for them to live together in Lucknow as their families were also there. They moved to Delhi on the pretext of finding a better job opportunity.
As Vikas spent more time with his partner he came to know that his partner is sleeping with other men more often. When Vikas confronted his partner, he said, “it is my life and you don’t have any right to steal my freedom,” told Vikas.
Vikas was stunned by the answer. He could not digest it. It was so depressing for him that he was not able to concentrate on his work. In result, he got fired from his company. Eventually, he moved to his parents’ place after a month. “It took me 4-5 months to move on. Now I am not able to trust any men. I am scared. I don’t want to go through the same traumatic phase again,” Vikas expressed his feelings.
Vikas is not the only gay whose partner was having multiple sexual relationships with men. “About 70% of gay people are involved in sexual relationships with more than one person,” said B. K. Jatin, a gay from Lucknow, works in a government office. Jatin also contributes his time to Awadh Queer Pride, Lucknow. The community works for LGBTQ community.
He further said that people consider them (gay people) as a sex object as many men consider women. Jatin believes that somewhere the community is responsible for this. “Why people consider us as a sex object because some people from our community do have sexual relations with more than one person to satisfy sexual desire,” added Jatin.
A bisexual on a condition of anonymity said that for bisexuals there are high chances of having affairs with more than one person. Because they get married to women as a social norm and continue having sexual relations with men.
While writing my book on homosexuality, I came to know many married men who are bisexuals and sleeping with different men too. Rashid, a 41-year-old man from Mumbai who has been sleeping with men since he was 23-year-old. However, he got married to a woman at the age of 27 but did not stop sleeping with men.
“Earlier, it was difficult for me to find men. But now through a gay dating app, I choose to sleep with one or two men every week,” told Rashid.
Rashid also said that it is tough to live two lives at a time. His wife always complains about him for not spending enough time with her. After work, he is either searching for men through a gay dating app or having plans to meet men. “The time that should be spent with my wife is always killed searching and meeting men. I am with my wife physically and mentally during the night only,” revealed Rashid.
Jatin believes that it is absolutely wrong and matter of concern. “If you are not confirmed whether you are homosexual or not then don’t marry. But don’t have extramarital affairs,” added Jatin. He further added if bisexuals are married then they have to control their sexual desire instead of having physical relations out of marriage.
On the other hand, Love Preet, 24-year-old, who is a gay from Lucknow said that if some married people are having extramarital affairs because they are homosexuals then they have to confront it with their partners. “They have to choose which life they want to live in. The life of social norms or the life they love to live,” advised Preet.
Note: Some names have been changed to hide identity