Renowned novelist Jilly Cooper in 2018 during an event said that many married men are ‘terrified of women’ that is why they have gay affairs. The statement caused havoc on social media. However, while working on my book on homosexuality I came to know that what she said is right.
Kamlesh, 41, who is surviving with three daughters has been sleeping with gay men since he was 30. He came to know about the gay dating app through social media and experienced sharing bed with a gay man who was similar to his age. He quite enjoyed it.
“The best part of satisfying sexual desire by sleeping with gay men is that they don’t reveal the affair to anyone,” said Kamlesh.
Kamlesh further said that having affairs with women is risky because they become demanding for more attention. Many women demand marriage too. “They tend to get emotionally attached. Leaving one’s own family for another woman is a disaster for one’s own life, wife and children,” told Kamlesh.
Shehzad, 34, from Solapur who is a software engineer and having a 6-year-old son also resonates with Kamlesh. He said that he was having an affair with a woman after three years of his marriage. The women after one month started demanding for marriage.
“I had told her before starting the relationship that I am with her just for sexual desire. But she became more demanding. It was tough to get rid of her,” revealed Shehzad.
“Because of social stigma associated with homosexuality, homosexuals scared to come out in society. This is the advantage of having gay affairs. The affair will always remain inside the closed door,” said Chandan, 29-year-old, whose wife was pregnant while I was having interaction with him over the call. He works in a digital marketing company in Mumbai.
When asked about why they look for extramarital affairs they justify saying they want to spice up their sexual life. 37-year-old Pratham from Mumbai said that after having two children the enjoyment in sexual life faded with his wife. “She caught up with upbringing of children so much as if there is no need for sex now. She makes excuses more often to avoid having sex,” said Pratham.
Pratham further revealed that his wife has reduced the number of days we have sex due to pregnancy and pain caused by it. “That is the reason I have to look outside my marriage for satisfying my desire. How can we control our sexual desire? asked Pratham.
We can’t deny the fact that men want more sex than women. If they are tired, they want sex. If they are frustrated, they want sex. If they are sad, they want sex. If they are happy, they want more sex.
Couples coach Lesli Doares, host of Happily Ever After, Web Talk Radio, says this could spell trouble in paradise. “It isn’t just that most men have a higher sex drive.”
“It’s that this is a way for men to open up emotionally. Sex releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, so not being physical can create distance. It also can result in feelings of rejection which can lead to feeling unloved.” (Reference)
The advantage married men are taking from gay men to satisfy their sexual desire is disappointing for the LGBTQ community. B.K. Jatin from Lucknow’s Aawdh Queer Pride says gay men should be away from having multiple sexual relationships. He also suggested that “married men should have control over their higher sex-drive to avoid extramarital affairs.”